Dispensed; Departed

I check the listing every day, you’ll

never read this, you’ll never see

into my eyes, like bites from fleas,

impetigo, disease, pregnancy wants,

lessons learned, fifty lashes for you,

trickle through the brain’s center, a

menace in armor, static and shiny,

wanton and stolid, this memory of

living is just transience, dream-like,

fugue-state, it’s the greatest trick that

has ever been pulled, and daily you’re

face is a reminder for me to sink and

not swim, take the rope and lasso the

wraith, sat dying in the closet space,

a phantom of regret and solitude, any

alms welcome, he says, any blood to

quench me, he says, fasting quick, he

says, just step in and talk, he says, a

magic dart from the shadow’s corner,

in the soot I step like pitch’s song to

cancer, a rook squeals at my hand

as I reach, my eyes open and I gasp,

the swirling light flashing romantic on

the walls inside the room, Roman nose,

a tragic figure in white, staccato the

tremolos sing with pleasure, the clock

winks as I glance and wince, what a

memory to curse myself with on a night

so lovely and bright, what a life I live

when so much good is darkened by the

boot black that is the past me, here’s

a quarter for the stellar job, I say to

the closet, I hope I won’t need you more,

I say in my heart, but you’ll never

read this, your wraith awaits when

you finally wake up in sweat, pooling

your regret into a dark mix, tipping it

to your lips to poison your heart, drink

he’ll say, enjoy the pain, he’ll say, and

you’ll finally have no choice, your

ears will burn and echo with the smite

that is your neglect, and I’ll sit smiling,

ready to leave the door open at night,

remember me, I’ll say, forget what you

think is true, I’ll say, and your end will

come alone, like us all, and I’ll use the

tears to pay Fantomas, the phantom who

reaches for me when light is dimmest

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~ by Shawn M. Young on May 17, 2019.

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