I check the listing every day, you’ll
never read this, you’ll never see
into my eyes, like bites from fleas,
impetigo, disease, pregnancy wants,
lessons learned, fifty lashes for you,
trickle through the brain’s center, a
menace in armor, static and shiny,
wanton and stolid, this memory of
living is just transience, dream-like,
fugue-state, it’s the greatest trick that
has ever been pulled, and daily you’re
face is a reminder for me to sink and
not swim, take the rope and lasso the
wraith, sat dying in the closet space,
a phantom of regret and solitude, any
alms welcome, he says, any blood to
quench me, he says, fasting quick, he
says, just step in and talk, he says, a
magic dart from the shadow’s corner,
in the soot I step like pitch’s song to
cancer, a rook squeals at my hand
as I reach, my eyes open and I gasp,
the swirling light flashing romantic on
the walls inside the room, Roman nose,
a tragic figure in white, staccato the
tremolos sing with pleasure, the clock
winks as I glance and wince, what a
memory to curse myself with on a night
so lovely and bright, what a life I live
when so much good is darkened by the
boot black that is the past me, here’s
a quarter for the stellar job, I say to
the closet, I hope I won’t need you more,
I say in my heart, but you’ll never
read this, your wraith awaits when
you finally wake up in sweat, pooling
your regret into a dark mix, tipping it
to your lips to poison your heart, drink
he’ll say, enjoy the pain, he’ll say, and
you’ll finally have no choice, your
ears will burn and echo with the smite
that is your neglect, and I’ll sit smiling,
ready to leave the door open at night,
remember me, I’ll say, forget what you
think is true, I’ll say, and your end will
come alone, like us all, and I’ll use the
tears to pay Fantomas, the phantom who
reaches for me when light is dimmest
Posted in Blog.
Tags: creative writing, family, Free verse, free verse poetry, loss, pain, poems, poetry, sadness
